59. MY CALLING, Part Four
Your profession is not what brings home your weekly paycheck, your profession is what you’re put here on earth to do, with such passion and such intensity that it becomes spiritual in calling.
- Vincent van Gogh
I used to consider myself a warrior. I was an infanteer, a paratrooper, I was ready to put the mission before myself. I was at the sharpest point of Canada’s military spear. It may not be a very big or very impressive spear, but still.
And then, one day, I wasn’t. One day, I realized I had only the shallowest notion about what it meant to be a warrior.
See, for a while, I thought being a warrior was all about clarity of mind and aggression. Not aggression in the sense of violent behavior, but as having the courage to leave every part of yourself on the table. I thought being a warrior was about self-discipline, and the knowledge that any moment could be the last.
The thing is, being a warrior is about those things. They’re just not the whole story.
What I’d missed out on in my interpretation, what had left me stunted and immature, was that each of those qualities has a flip side. Each of those traits needs balance, and without that balance, those qualities become poisoned. Clarity of mind can become hyper-vigilance, so it must be balanced by mindfulness. Unbalanced aggression can become cruelty, and so must be offset by humility. And self-discipline can lead to coldness, which must be balanced by compassion.
Above all else though, if a warrior is defined by knowledge of their own mortality, then this must be balanced by a willingness to live, and appreciate the beauty in life, and I had forgotten how to do this.
Until my wife and daughters transformed me. They connected me to a community, something I could not have done alone.
Now, as a writer, I try to serve an even wider community because I view storytelling as a form of service. My writing provides a mirror for those who would look at what our society thinks is important and how we might improve. Instead of a sword or a gun, I wield a pen and a keyboard to show how we might feed the wolf of love and compassion instead of the wolf of anger. I aim to help people feel the world through someone else’s point of view.
At least, that’s my goal. I never said I was any good.
Good or not, though, I’ve realized here again is a task I cannot do alone. The core of my calling is about communication, it’s about the use of art to communicate ideas, and feelings. But communication is not, can not be one sided1. It requires at least one person to send a message, and at least one more to receive and interpret that message. Communication, as with so many other things, takes two.
Likewise, service to others takes more than one. It takes one person to help, and then it takes at least one other to be helped. What’s different about service, however, is that if we set the example, others may feel inspired to join us on our journey to help our communities become more resilient.
Bill Van Patten, While We’re on the Topic: BVP on Language, Acquisition, and Classroom Practice, Alexandria, The American Council on the Teaching of Foreign Languages: 2017.